A Flock of Seagulls

I went shopping at the mall, which probably wasn't the best idea. I ventured into New York and Company because I was looking for some dress pants. This is what I found instead.

Stirrup pants? Really? Why in the fuck are the 80's back? I refuse to do this.

Thanksgiving Quote

My mother always leaves us with an excellent Thanksgiving quote. If you remember, last year she was a bit crude. She wasn't crude this year, but she still has no shame. I was showing my mother a picture of a friend's child, and she announced, "Look at him! He's a beautiful child. He looks like he could be mine!" There's no shame in Grandma Bitchford's game. Gotta love her.

Thanksgiving

The rents will be here soon. I think my sis and her family are coming this afternoon. I've been doing a little cleaning to prepare for them all. I have a new vacuum that sucks up pet hair at an alarming rate. I need this because I have three hairy rodents. Did you know that if you have it set to the hose only feature that it won't pick up shit when you try and vacuum without the hose function? Did you know that one might have to disassemble half of the super sucker vacuum before figuring this out? Did you know that this makes one break out in a sweat and scream fuck over and over again? Well, it does. Another Eastwickean crisis diverted. No one will have to pick flying pet hair out of the turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!

A Sock Full of Quarters

In the interest of keeping my stress level down, I thought I would let out some aggression by creating a list. These are the top 5 people on television right now that should be hit with a sock full of quarters.

5. Tom Cruise

4. Glenn Beck

3. Miley Cyrus

2. Aaron Carter from Dancing with the Stars

1. Sarah Palin

Tom Cruise just gets on my last nerve. The man makes great movies, but he's a nut job. Glenn Beck is just trying to overcompensate for the fact that he doesn't have a college degree. His hang up and not mine. I just think he's a jack ass. Seriously, how can you have a healthy debate with someone that just screams? Miley Cyrus is just a teenager, a child really, but I can't stand to see her on television. I swear sometimes I think the child is older than me with the way she acts. Aaron Carter makes orgasm faces, and it bugs the shit out of me. Finally, Sarah "You Bet 'cha" Palin. If she would just conduct the entire book tour completely naked, then it would be interesting. Otherwise, she gets a sock full of quarters to the kisser. So, who is on your list?

Little Words/Big Message

My nephew is in 1st grade, and he had a Thanksgiving writing assignment. Here's what he had to offer the class.

"If I was a turkey and someone tried to cook me, I would scratch him."

The end. The kid has a point. My sister might have a future vegetarian on her hands. Time will tell.

M.I.A.

I don't know if anyone is out there, but if you are, you've noticed I haven't blogged so much lately. I've been under a huge amount of stress from work, and it has developed into nasty, blinding headaches. I finally went to the doctor yesterday, and it was...odd. My doctor is a nut job, but I really like him. It's hard to explain, but he works for me. He started to examine different parts of my neck and the right side of my head. He touched one place, and I vomited all over his shiny Dansko shoes. I then passed out. It was frightening. Apparently, I've stressed myself out so much that it is now causing me to have a physical reaction. He told me I couldn't go back to work until the 30th, which I would have thought would stress me out more, but I'm relieved. I'm determined to use this time to truly relax and get better.

My doctor wanted to give me some choices for solutions to my problem, and I'm choosing to see a chiropractor and have massage therapy. I've never been to a chiropractor. I honestly never really understood how this could really work, so I never considered it as a treatment. My insurance covers it, so I thought, "What the hell do I have to lose? It's better than being on a bunch of drugs." If it will make the pain stop, then I'll go for it.

I went for my first visit today. My chiropractor looks exactly like an L.L. Bean model. My nut job doctor even called him eye candy. He's an attractive man, but I don't do L.L. Bean. I like tattoos and such, so I'm not into the whole khaki pants and sweater vest thing. I went in with a wee bit of a 'tude because I did work today and had to watch my stupid boss cry in a meeting. More on that at a later date. So, L.L. sat me down and asked me if I had ever been to a chiropractor. I said no. He asked if there was any reason why. I said yes. I don't really believe in the power of popping my neck. He looked at me strangely. I explained that I was more than willing to try it, and I would listen to him. I want it to work. So, I survived my first appointment. It's a bit alarming to hear your neck pop like that, but it didn't hurt. I go back 3x a week for two more weeks. He seems to think I'm fixable. Yea.

Twat Is That?

My friend Ruth over at No Pattern Required makes a Mid-Century Modern meal each week from her vintage cookbooks. This week's MCM meal was a little, well, suggestive. Take a look. Don't they look like vaginas? Vaginas and wieners! Thanks for a good laugh, Ruth!